Three things (of roughly similar importance)
1) My ex came over tonight and we divided up stuff in the garage. And at one point she hugged me (actually she was hugging me a lot, see 2) for why) and there was this moment where your body goes on auto pilot and for a second we almost kissed. For like a second. For a half second. Which I am willing to chalk up to just weirdness and not talk about, but she kept bringing it up again, causing me to snap at her “for the love of gods sake let it go”. Which caused her to burst into tears and have to practically run out of the house and me to feel like a total ass.
2) Ummm, so…. I kinda watched a guy die today. Maybe I should have lead with that…. yeah. He collapsed in our parking lot and I had to go play LIC (Librarian in Charge) because the actually LIC kept looking like he was going to pass out. Sadly my post-brain tumor superpower is that ability to radically compartmentalize. So I watched them give him CPR and defibrillator but nothing. They took the body away in an ambulance and no one said anything, but you can just tell. When you’re dying and they are trying to save you, people run. When they give up they walk slowly and shake their heads while looking down at the ground.
What this means is that sometime next week I will probably have a total meltdown and end up sobbing my eyes out because the reality of this will hit and I’ll be unable to get the look of his blank eyes out of my mind. I may need to call my therapist about this tomorrow…..
3) My ex did give me a rip of the new Tori Amos album Gold Dust. And it is AMAZING. It’s some of her best older songs re-arranged with a full orchestra. Winter and Flying Dutchman are great but it is Precious Things that is just ORGASMIC. Tori is perfect music for when you’re fucked up.